wedding one liners

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.

I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

My other wife is beautiful.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin! -- Al Bundy

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd