funny wedding jokes
My Fathers Wedding Vow »My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, ...
The tradition at weddings »A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and t ...
The Nice Wedding Gift »We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we rece ...
Wedding Practical Jokes »Smaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fittin ...
Kids View On Wedding »What Exactly Is Marriage? "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I ...
50th wedding anniversary »A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking ...
A Change Of Wedding Vow »During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to love, honor, obey and be faithful to her ...
Code For XX »A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell ...
The Rules »A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to ...
The Most Damaging Food »A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs i ...
Take Care Of Your Man!!! »A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the follo ...
Dads Note and Grooms Note »Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: " GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE." Groom gave another note back to father: " CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN. " ...
A Grooms Tale »I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twen ...
A wedding toast »A Posh Hotel holds 3 weddings on the same day and at the end of the night, the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of beers. One questions the other two, "listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how ...
Wedding cake »A recent study was conducted to see what other foods besides chocolate and asparagus could be used as afradesiacts.... Surprisingly, they found many foods that were very effective in making men and women more attractive to one another. Champaigne, s ...
How many women can a man marry »A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know t ...
wedding gifts »Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: 'Are y ...
Wonderful Choice »This guy is married to a woman who has always been a nag. They go to Israel on a trip and while they are there the woman dies. The funeral director in Israel offers the man two options - they can ship the body back home for $5,000 or they can do the ...
dirty wedding jokes »A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. All of the sudden bride's and groom's families had a storming rage wrecking the reception room. Finally police get called in. Next week, all members appeared in court. The fight continues in the co ...
Wedding Anniversary »Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!" The next mo ...
Wedding Pranks »The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed. The electrician ...
Murphys Laws On love »A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. ...
The secret of marriage »"How does love stay between you husband and wife for so long?" asks a journalist. The fireman: Never has a spark been allowed to exist to develop into a conflagration. The carpenter: A steadfast framework goes before everything else. Th ...
Shotgun wedding »A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just ...
Football Wedding »Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family.&qu ...
Wedding Night »Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother and said, "Here try ...
On their wedding night »Mario and Marie,a nice young couple,were getting married and were planning on living with Marie's mother until they could buy a place of their own.On their wedding night they went upstairs&were getting ready for bed.Mario started to get undessed, ...
Virgin bride on wedding night »The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ ...
40 years of marriage »A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for b ...
funny dirty wedding jokes »Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in ...
Pretend I am ... »Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Plea ...
short jokes »There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - “If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.&rdquo ...
the upcoming wedding »Two young guys were discussing the upcoming wedding? of the first guy. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not," remarked the first Polish guy. His buddy replied, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some r ...
Am i pretty or am i ugly? »A newly wed couple decided to talk about each other during their honeymoon and the wife asked her husband,"honey, am I pretty or am I ugly? her husband immediately replies,"both". "what do you mean both!? am i pretty or am i ugly? ...
The tradition at weddings »A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and t ...
The Nice Wedding Gift »We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we rece ...
Wedding Practical Jokes »Smaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fittin ...
Kids View On Wedding »What Exactly Is Marriage? "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I ...
50th wedding anniversary »A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking ...
A Change Of Wedding Vow »During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to love, honor, obey and be faithful to her ...
Code For XX »A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell ...
The Rules »A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to ...
The Most Damaging Food »A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs i ...
Take Care Of Your Man!!! »A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the follo ...
Dads Note and Grooms Note »Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: " GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE." Groom gave another note back to father: " CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN. " ...
A Grooms Tale »I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twen ...
A wedding toast »A Posh Hotel holds 3 weddings on the same day and at the end of the night, the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of beers. One questions the other two, "listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how ...
Wedding cake »A recent study was conducted to see what other foods besides chocolate and asparagus could be used as afradesiacts.... Surprisingly, they found many foods that were very effective in making men and women more attractive to one another. Champaigne, s ...
How many women can a man marry »A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know t ...
wedding gifts »Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: 'Are y ...
Wonderful Choice »This guy is married to a woman who has always been a nag. They go to Israel on a trip and while they are there the woman dies. The funeral director in Israel offers the man two options - they can ship the body back home for $5,000 or they can do the ...
dirty wedding jokes »A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. All of the sudden bride's and groom's families had a storming rage wrecking the reception room. Finally police get called in. Next week, all members appeared in court. The fight continues in the co ...
Wedding Anniversary »Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!" The next mo ...
Wedding Pranks »The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed. The electrician ...
Murphys Laws On love »A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. ...
The secret of marriage »"How does love stay between you husband and wife for so long?" asks a journalist. The fireman: Never has a spark been allowed to exist to develop into a conflagration. The carpenter: A steadfast framework goes before everything else. Th ...
Shotgun wedding »A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just ...
Football Wedding »Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family.&qu ...
Wedding Night »Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother and said, "Here try ...
On their wedding night »Mario and Marie,a nice young couple,were getting married and were planning on living with Marie's mother until they could buy a place of their own.On their wedding night they went upstairs&were getting ready for bed.Mario started to get undessed, ...
Virgin bride on wedding night »The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ ...
40 years of marriage »A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for b ...
funny dirty wedding jokes »Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in ...
Pretend I am ... »Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Plea ...
short jokes »There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - “If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.&rdquo ...
the upcoming wedding »Two young guys were discussing the upcoming wedding? of the first guy. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not," remarked the first Polish guy. His buddy replied, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some r ...
Am i pretty or am i ugly? »A newly wed couple decided to talk about each other during their honeymoon and the wife asked her husband,"honey, am I pretty or am I ugly? her husband immediately replies,"both". "what do you mean both!? am i pretty or am i ugly? ...
